I Feel Wonderful ☑

So I was done with this blogging malarkey. But, after recent events I thought it was only fair I did another update. My husband has taken a lot of flack for pulling out of a move to Perth this summer. As predicted, the media and social networks went in to overdrive meaning that the trolls came out of the woodwork. This was to be expected and we thought we were prepared for it. I escaped with relatively no abuse despite people assuming we stayed because of my awful pregnancy. My husband however has taken a LOT of stick and been accused of being offered more money and getting greedy. Most of the time he has kept a dignified silence, and I’ve bitten my finger to stop me replying to all the nasty tweets. Nobody wants to see someone they love bombarded with abusive messages. On many occasions we laughed. Not because we thought it was funny, but because we couldn’t believe most of these people sending abuse were grown men and women. Unbelievable.

Anyway, before this turns in to a full blown rant, let me begin…

My daughter was born in September 2012. My mum had warned me about the day 3/4 baby blues. They came and I cried for no particular reason. I remember phoning my cousins wife to apologise that she didn’t get in to see me and crying so hard I could barely speak! But this was normal, I’d just had a baby and it would pass….wouldn’t it?

After a horrific pregnancy I was looking forward to feeling normal again and enjoying life as a mum. Unfortunately as the days and months went on the crying continued and I got so low that I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. It took me 4 months to admit that things weren’t right. My husband knew I wasn’t myself but maybe we both put it down to being new parents. I even kept it from my mum, who I saw most days. When people say that mental illness is an invisible illness they are absolutely right. It’s easy to keep people from knowing something is wrong when you don’t want them to. I didn’t have any bruises, marks or scars so I was obviously perfectly fine, right? Nothing could have been further from the truth.

Everything was a struggle. Sleeping, eating, everything. I had no idea how I was supposed to look after a little person and thought I was awful at it. Maybe I still am but she’s a happy, healthy and content little girl so I must be doing something right. Simple things like leaving the house to meet friends, go to the shop or even walk the dog seemed impossible to do with a baby. I convinced myself that it was just easier and safer to stay at home and avoid any kind of interaction with people. I mean, god forbid my baby cried, needed fed or changed!

In January the decision was made to move to Perth. At the time that’s what we all felt was best. I know what I signed up for when I got married and have always been prepared to have to move. When I met my husband I had been living in Glasgow for nearly 8 years. It’s his fault I ended up back in The Highlands! We quickly realised that a move, any move, wasn’t in the best interests of our family. I went to see my GP towards the end of January and she couldn’t believe it had taken me so long to go and see her. I completely broke down the minute I sat in the chair and was diagnosed with post natal depression. I remember getting a visit from my health visitor not long after I gave birth to my daughter. She handed me a piece of paper, a pen and sat in silence until I answered a questionnaire. My score would determine whether or not I had PND! Seriously, a questionnaire?! Funnily enough, not wanting anyone to know that something was wrong my ‘score’ gave me a clean bill of health. This was easy given that I ticked all the boxes that said “I feel wonderful” as opposed to those that said “I want to die” 😄.

The decision to stay in The Highlands was a family one. It was decided that was what was best all round in order for me to recover. Doesn’t everyone make decisions based on what is best for their family? The difference is others aren’t judged and criticised for it by complete strangers! I can understand fans in Perth being disgruntled, of course I can, but that doesn’t excuse some of the disgusting abuse they have subjected my husband to. Anyone who knows me knows that I can take a joke and often give as good as I get! But sometimes it just goes too far. One fan even made a comment on a photo my husband posted of my daughters toy. Too far.

The decision to stay was without a doubt the right one for our family. What other people think means little to me but it’s gone too far when the person who has been my biggest support is getting abuse on a daily basis. We made the right decision and maybe in time fans will realise this was a decision based on what was best for the whole family, and not a football/money based one.

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49 thoughts on “I Feel Wonderful ☑

  1. On behalf of myself and my family of Saints fans we feel heart sorry for your situation and the issues you and your family suffered over the early part of 2013, any depression, is a terrible illness and I personally know how you feel.

    I feel from our end of the story, the situation was inflamed by Derek Adams and the Ross County board and their arrogance to accept that Richie has signed for Saints.

    They registered a player, who was registered to another club, that’s what really got people’s back up.

    Hopefully after last weekends result and Adams getting his humiliation, we can now draw a line under this and move on.

    I wish you best health in the future to all your family, and don’t let a small band of morons affect your thoughts on the whole StJohnstone support.

    Tell Roy Macgregor the new players we brought in with the transfer money are doing fantastically well.

    Best Wishes.

    Saintly Child

  2. You both did the RIGHT thing for your family, there’s more to life than money and anyone who gives you or your husband abuse and calls themselves a fan are NOT fans at all. I sincerely hope you recover from your depression soon so you can enjoy life and being a mum. You’re not alone, most mothers question if what they are doing is “right”, that’s what makes you a good mother. Best of luck. xx

  3. Beautifully put, family ALWAYS comes first, hope you find strength with those who you love, Good Luck to you and your family

  4. hI,

    You are amazing to have had PND to deal with and now all this, you are so strong and will have helped countless other who know exactly how you feel.

    People write things on social networks that they shouldnt, a good rule is if you wouldnt say it to someones face dont say it on twitter or facebook, I wish you and your family a life that is free of further trouble to enjoy what should be a happy time.

    Footballers all get grief on the pitch which is bad enough, to carry it on to persons life and family is unforgivable.

    Your Blog has been a huge help for me I work with women who have children under 5 and I often mention it to give hope to others having a bad time and information to those like me who didnt suffer but understand so much better because of you.

  5. If anything this article shows the impact that online harassment and bullying can effect a family personally I don’t know why we didn’t keep Brittain at stmirren personally. Great player. Congrats on your baby aswell.

  6. I am a st johnstone fan, and please believe me that many of us are disgusted with the minority or morons in our support who went too far. I wish you and your family great health moving forward, and hope you can move on from this all.

  7. I don’t know you but I am a football fan and have heard the boos directed at Richie. These people are disgusting cowardly bullies who wouldn’t have the guts to say these things if they were on their own face to face with him but they can hide in a crowd or behind a keyboard. Well done you for telling your story I’m sure you will help other sufferers and these st Johnstone fans aren’t worth bothering about. I’m a st mirren fan and have nothing but good things to say about Richie. Wish we still had him as he’s a great player. I wish you and your family all the best. You can hold your head high – these low lifes will hopefully crawl back under the stones they crawled out of.

  8. Being a St. Johnstone fan on Twitter I have seen some of the comments made and I agree with you, some of them are disgraceful. On behalf of the majority of saints fans we apologise and understand Richard’s decision and wish you the best for the future.

  9. it takes a lot of guts to come out and admit to a problem. Respect to you and your family from a St Jonstone fan. It was a pity that the county mangement team never acted with the same dignity as you, Good luck with your recovery!!

  10. I feel I have to leave a reply to this.

    First and foremost family always comes first.

    I was one who did have an opinion on the saga although minor, but the main reason is its very sad RB has come off twitter after he has taken the stick he has done up until now and of course what his wife’s illness and family have had to go through. He done so well to ignore the whole lot and give as good as he got.

    My only point with the whole thing is if this was brought up earlier I doubt neither you or Richie would be in the awful position you found yourself in. I don’t know if that was choice or bad advice?

    Either way I watched Richie’s interview on the Internet and its clear coupled with his family situation and abuse he as taken that it has affected all involved.

    I am a St Johnstone fan and would wish to apologise for any offence or hurt (although very minor) I caused Richie and his family.

    I am glad things are picking up and would seriously like to wish you all the best for the future.

    I really hope Richie gets back on twitter and does not give in! Everything is out in the open now, but unfortunately there are still some real morons out there.

    Hope your season gets better and hopefully now you and your family can move on.

    MH

  11. Well put Mrs B. Hope you’re doing ok now and hopefully the keyboard warriors will leave you all in peace!

    I for one am glad he stayed 😀

  12. Firstly, i hope you and your family are doing well.

    Im an Aberdeen fan and although i had noticed the story i didnt pay too much notice too it to really form an opinion, although naturally i did wonder about the change of heart.

    What you have/are going through is torturous and the abuse on top of that is horrendous! It sounds like there is some light at the end of the tunnel. You did the right thing by going to the docs (ive been there, although not through giving birth….that would be a miracle ;).

    All the best to you, your man and the wee one.

  13. As a football fan the kind of nonsense players (and indeed their families) have to put up with, especially in the modern Twitter-trolling arena, is awful. You both made a decision for your family and do not have to justify it to anyone; all power to you and your family.

  14. There is no excuse for abuse at any time. And not place when people don’t know the full story. Dealing with depression is hard enough without having to put up with unwarranted abuse. It’s also bad form that you’ve felt you had to reveal private, personal, information to explain what’s happened.

    Stay strong; things will get better.

  15. Well done for speaking out,I think people forget footballers have a life outside work,family will always come first.:)
    Hope you find the strength it does get easier,keep smiling x

  16. Pingback: PFA Scotland wants SFA to review betting rules following Ian Black charges | Pregnancy Guide

  17. I’m only sorry that it had to resort to you tgelling the whole world details about your personal life! It should never have come to this. But, well done for speaking out. You have the Staggie Family watrching your back now! Onwards and upwards!

    • Thank you. It was never my intention to share family matters with the world but it got to the point where my husband was being slaughtered for putting his family 1st!

      I appreciate all the lovely comments xx

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